When it comes to relationships, we don’t often associate healthy, successful ones with change. We assume that great relationships are the ones that last in the same way with the same people. We are taught to believe that true love lasts forever, that unconditional love just is. Either you have it or you don’t, there’s little room for grey areas.

Well, in my commitment to busting myths, this is another one that I want to shit all over. Change is healthy, change is important but most of all, it’s essential. I believe the biggest problems occur in our relationships when we refuse to change, or bend or adjust. Every kind of partnership has to be changeable because our lives are changeable. Our circumstances changes, our needs change and if you and/or your partner aren’t able to accept this and be agile then success is hard to find and resentment is bound to grow.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s kids, jobs, financial circumstances, physical or mental health that causes shifts in your relationship dynamic. What does matter is that you recognise what’s going on and that’s not easy. How many times have you thought to yourself, “I don’t know why I’m feeling like this?” and, after some time, you realise what it was (in my case, usually hormones). Your relationship is often the same. If you’re asking yourself, “What’s happened to us?” then maybe the answer can be found in your ability to adapt. Has something happened? Has a change occurred that you’ve not made room for?

At risk of sounding like a broken record, the easiest way to assess the root of discomfort in your relationship is to talk about it. Have a discussion about what’s going on, what is there, underneath the surface of everyday life that has shifted to cause a disconnect, crossed wires, an inability to feel like you fit together. There are a million things that can impact the dynamic and there will be times when you feel like you’re being hit from every angle by a new disruption.

The key is to recognise who, amid these changes, needs to adapt, who needs support and who needs to compromise because those things ALWAYS need adjusting. Relationships are not static, they are vibrating, unpredictable entities and they need to be constantly assessed and nurtured. It’s so easy to forget this as you go about your daily life, daily schedules, daily chores, but it’s so important to take a minute occasionally to self-assess and figure out who needs what and why. Then, it’s just a simple case of moving into your new roles, to get comfy with the new emphasis…which is hilarious, because it’s anything but easy BUT, if you’ve got to that point, then chance are you’re already winning.