Fight.
No one likes conflict. People say, “I’m not great with conflict,” as if some of us are, but the fact is some of us have learned how to push ourselves out of our comfort zone emotionally without being scared of it.
Conflict is hard. Feeling uncomfortable about something or with someone is hard. It’s scary and it makes us feel vulnerable and unshielded. Rather than open ourselves up to an emotionally difficult conversation or situation we often tend to avoid, avoid, avoid.
But let’s separate ‘conflict’ from ‘fight’. Tackling a conflict doesn’t have to be aggressive or negative. So many of us have doubled down on our flight-or-fight instinct when it comes to being challenged about our behaviour or having to challenge someone else.
But think about it this way: if someone is coming to you to discuss a conflict, the implication is that they care enough about their relationship with you (whether that’s personal or professional) to take the time to try and work it out. If it’s handled well, managing conflict is a positive interaction between two people. It says, “I believe this relationship is worth time and energy and I want to make it better.”
Two things are required here:
Learning to approach conflict resolution with the end goal of harmony in mind. Going into a conflict resolution discussion with your Hunger Games mindset is like asking a bull to go into the shop and polish the china. It’s going to end badly. If you want to achieve harmony, you’ve got to act harmoniously.
Learning to receive conflict resolution with an open mind. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt. If they’re doing it properly, their intentions are good and the goal is something you’ll both benefit from. If they do it badly, you’ll have to step up and be the bigger person to neutralise the situation - if you’re ready for a fight, you won’t be able to do that.
Put simply, we can’t avoid conflict; we can only decide whether we are going to deal with it well or badly. Often easier said than done - I get that - but it’s probably worth trying.
Cat x