What’s on your dick list?

I only ask because I’ve realised I’m always very clear about what’s on everyone else’s Dick List but not so great at being aware of what’s on my Dick List. But first, let me explain.

A Dick List is a list of things that make you a bit of a dick. And before you all protest, everyone’s got one…and extensive one. A Dick List isn’t made up of the same answers you’d give to that question you get in a job interview. You know when they ask you, “What would you say are your weaknesses?” and you reply with, “Oh, I’m just such a workaholic…I can never stop!” or “I’m a perfectionist,” as if those things are actually good things.

NOTE: being a workaholic and a perfectionist are not good things in life or work.

But, I digress. Back to the Dick List. It’s a list of your own worst possible traits and qualities. The stuff, that when it kicks in, make you behave in the worst possible version of yourself. The deepest, darkest shit that you don’t really like to admit to anyone. In fact, it’s the stuff you don’t really like to admit to yourself but it’s there and ignoring it doesn’t make it go away.

I’ve started compiling my own Dick List. It’s a bit of a struggle because we all want to believe that we are good people with minimal flaws. Our ego doesn’t always allows us to delve into those shadowy corners of ourselves, but push through that and get your Dick List written and here’s why…

…whenever you feel sad, slighted, uncomfortable, hurt, let down or disappointed by someone you have to be able to effectively assess your own part in it before you can come at them. That’s where your Dick List comes in. Go back over that list that you wrote in a calmer time and just check that on some level, your Dick self didn’t come out - even for a short, infinitely miniscule period of time. It doesn’t matter if their levels of dickishness were higher because their levels of dickishness aren’t your responsibility.

Your levels of dickishness however, are very much your responsibility, no matter how small. So now, when I find myself in a conflict of some kind, I always try to establish my part in it first and here’s the kicker - I don’t allow myself to compare my level of dickishness to theirs. Sure they may have acted like an astronomical tonne of bagged badger dicks but that’s nothing to do with me. The only resolution you need is to know that you did the right thing, after you’ve done the wrong thing.

We all fuck up. It take two to tango. It’s 6 of one and half a dozen of another. Clichés they may be but they’re not wrong. Go back to your Dick List and take responsibility.

And just to show you that I mean business, I’ve shared my Dick List so far:

• I can be closed off from other people’s ideas and opinions. If I’ve decided a way to do something then I can get very dismissive and/or reactive when someone suggests we do something different.

• I can be lazy and do things quickly rather than well.

• I don’t like to admit my mistakes and can go on the defensive when someone points them out.

• I can be egotistical and in feeling the need to prove myself as worthy can come off as a show off. I also have a bad habit of interrupting people.

• I have control issues and can be overbearing and dominating.

• I can be impatient and forget to recognise that not everyone moves at a million miles a minute and nor should they. It’s exhausting.

That’s just a snippet of the kind of dick that I can be; I’m sure there’s plenty more where that came from. I know we hear that we should write and think positive things about ourselves all the time but I actually disagree. It’s really important that we recognise and try to understand the darker side of our selves because it’s there and, as I said at the beginning, ignoring it won’t make it go away.

Cat x