How To Festival With The Family

OK. I'll be honest. I'm 100% excited and 100% shitting myself about Camp Bestival. Here's why.

1. As a couple, Jimmy and I have never camped before either pre- or post- kids. This is entirely unchartered territory for us.

2. We have a baby. An actual baby and we're taking her to sleep in a field with 1000s of other people. And a shit load of noise.

3. I can't drink my way through this festival in the same way as normal because, you know, I have to keep small people alive.

4. We are going down on Thursday. Jimmy doesn't arrive until Friday. I'm putting up the tent by myself with the 'help' of a 3 year old and a 11 month old.

5. Which, on reflection, is probably not a terrible thing. Jimmy and I putting up a tent together is almost certain to end in divorce. Or death.

6. I'm 36 hours away from landing on site and I still haven't packed (or indeed UNPACKED from my trip last week).

7. It'll be the first time in about 3 months where the four of us will be together without any of us having to work (barring the occasionally Instagram post).

8. It'll be the first time in history that Jimmy and I have been at a music event without one of us working.

9. In the last three weeks my eldest has transformed from vaguely reasonable human being into a feral, rabid beast, ruled only by her raging hormones and thirst for blood. My blood.

10. I'm sure everyone else's child will be delightful.

11. Emma from Ladyland is bringing a huge inflatable palm tree. And a recipe for breakfast burritos.

12. And a kitchen. She's bringing a whole kitchen. Amen.

13. I may not have packed any nappies/formula/clothes/wipes/wellies but I have packed 13 glittery, sparkly, animal print bumbags courtesy of MiPac.

14. I get to wear feathers and wigs and sequins and glitter and there are no rules.

15. The kids can do what they like. I'm going to love-bomb the shit out them because recently, I've just felt like bombing them.

16. It's basically our summer holiday. You know, with no sleep, regular hangovers and constant aura of moist BO.

17. It's not going to be great for Weight Watchers but, meh.

18. Right Said Fred are playing.

19. Mr Tumble will be there. No big deal.

20. I'm not great at being Billie's playmate and there'll be so many other small people for her to boss around which will give me a break.

21. Steph from Don't Buy Her Flowers has a cool box that stays frozen for three days. If that's not worth the trip then I don't know what is. THREE DAYS.

22. Who doesn't want to put dry shampoo to the real test?

23. Before I was married I spent a lot of time camping, climbing and hiking...it'll be good to get back to at least some of that.

24. No one really wants it to rain at a festival but I kind of do because the lovely people at Beyond the Stork have only gone and sent us the coolest rainwear there is thanks to Stutterheim and Gosoaky.

25. My Hustle+Fox work wife has told me a need a hip flask. I've never used a hip flask before so that'll be cool.

26. Squatting in a field for a piss in the middle of the night is always good for lolz.

27. Now that Love Island has finished, what the fuck else am I going to do?

28. Bring on Camp Bestival...it'll be the best of times and the worst of times.