A quick Michael Googlé on the old internet brings up a heap of quotes about how hard things are the things really worth doing. Anything that comes easily, we are told, won’t last. It’s something our parents have instilled into us when we complained, “It’s too hard….” They encouraged us to ‘keep going’ - if it’s hard, it’s worth it.

For ease, I’ve screen-shotted some of these ideas so that you can get an idea of what the point is and why it’s so maddening to me that we’re not allowed to direct this line of thought to parenting.

It’s not that I don’t agree with this line of thought. There’s nothing like the pure joy, the sense of achievement and pride that comes when you conquer and overcome the hard things to reach a point of success, completion, revelation.

But why isn’t it ok to apply this parenting? Mention that you find parenting hard and there are people quick to chastise you for not enjoying every moment, for not making the most of it. Some may even go as far as to suggest that you’re just not a great mother, that you don’t have much natural maternal instinct. And even if those things are said to you, chances are you’ve probably thought them of yourself.

We’ve been sold this myth that we should enjoy and appreciate every moment of parenting. Well, I call bullshit. It’s hard. It’s supposed to be hard because it’s so fucking important. It’s a big deal. Raising good humans is a constant battle in a world full of a litany of clusterfucks. It’s highly-pressured, relentless, exhausting and yes, hard. Really hard.

What I want to see is more of this kind of conversation:

Parent 1: How are you doing?

Parent 2: Man, I’m finding parenting really hard at the moment.

Parent 1: Oh babe…it is hard. That means you’re doing a good job.

Parent 2: It doesn’t feel like it. It feels like I’m a bit rubbish at it.

Parent 1: You’re not rubbish. The harder parenting is, the better you are at it. It means you’re honest about what’s really going on for you and that honesty is so important when it comes to building strong relationships with your kids.

You know, or something like that. My point is, if you’re finding it hard, you’re almost certainly doing a great job. Don’t be afraid to talk about how hard it is either - most parents are probably waiting for an opportunity to talk about how hard they are finding it and if you get the slightest hint of judgement or disapproval remember two things:

You’ve probably just triggered them into confronting an emotion they’re not yet ready to acknowledge or accept
or
They’re not your people. Move on Queen.

So that’s my thought for the day. Go forth and smash the shit out of your weekend. Look after yourself, your family and get enough sleep! May not sound very sexy but it’ll be so worth it.

*Tries to listen to own advice.

Cat x

Worthwhile.