Sex.

I was talking to a friend of mine and we decided that sex in a long term relationship and after kids was a bit like going to the gym: you never really feel like it but you’re always glad you did it when it’s done.

Look to any movie or TV show, you’ll see married people with kids having sex all over the fucking place. It’s like they’ve got spare time on their hands (ha!) and they’ve decided to use it bumping uglies.

First up, I can’t remember the last time I had ‘spare time’ and wasn’t, at the same time, so psychotically tired that the thought of lying on my back to do anything but nap was as appealing as snogging Piers Morgan. If I get a spare hour, you better believe that ‘slipping into something more comfortable’ means exactly that. It’ll be less slinky lingerie and more stinky trackies and the only thing with a chance of getting inside me is a packet of chocolate hobnobs.

I mean, when exactly are we supposed to be having sex? In the evening after doing eleventy billion loads of laundry, cleaning the kitchen for the 17th time that day and fighting with the kids about everything from why we need to do homework (I legit have no fucking idea) to what the actual point of sleep is anyway.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t exactly feel like my sexiest self when I’ve got a stress-induced sweat on, a tension headache and distinct feeling of ‘What the fuck just happened?’

Or maybe we’re supposed to do it in the morning before the kids wake up? So, I’ll set my alarm for 4am shall I? Nope. Not a chance. If you’re asking me to choose between sex and sleep, I’m going to choose sleep every damn time.

And do you know what….THAT’S OK!

I’m tired of the emphasis on the role society says sex plays in ‘healthy relationships’. Sex is important in so far as it’s important to you individually. So if one of you is desperate for it and not getting it then, yeah, that’s a problem but if both of you are happy in a temporary dry spell while you drag the kids through the first few years, then that’s ok.

The versions of relationships that we see on TV and in movies just aren’t real. Ask around and I abso-bloody-lutely guarantee you that most of your couple friends with kids are not having as much sex as you think they are. I promise you. Absence of sex doesn’t mean there’s necessarily anything wrong with your relationships. Absence of communication about sex in your relationship, could turn out to be a problem.

Cat x