Mother.

Mother. Look it up in the dictionary and this is what it says:

noun

a female parent.

(often initial capital letter) one's female parent.

adjective
being a mother:
a mother bird.

of, relating to, or characteristic of a mother:
mother love

verb (used with object)
to be the mother of; give origin or rise to:
She mothered two children.

to acknowledge oneself the author of; assume as one's own.

So, that’s what the dictionary says but here’s the thing. There are actually as many definitions of ‘mother’ as there are mothers on the planet and absolutely every single one of them is valid and should be respected.

I often get criticised for the things I post on Instagram regarding my role as mother. Words like ‘neglect’, ‘lazy’ and ‘uncaring’ get thrown at me. These things don’t bother me because I know what’s happening: my definition of motherhood (as I choose to share it online) is different to theirs and rather than respect and understand that everyone parents in their own way, they are acting under the belief that their’s is ‘right’ and mine is ‘wrong’.

But here’s what I know for sure, and this is what I want you to take from this letter. You have the right to decide exactly how you parent and you do not have to defend that, to anyone. There is only one way to parent and that’s your way. Am I strict with the kids? Yes when it comes to certain things - absolutely. I insist they do their chores, they do their homework before anything else when they get home, I’ll never back down from a fight if it means teaching them they have responsibilities to play a helpful and supportive role in this family. I don’t believe that they are too young - you may do and that’s fine.

But, I’m also the one that says yes to McDonalds when they want it, I let them stay up late to watch a movie with me. I’m the one that takes them on the rollercoasters, dyes their hair for fun during the school holidays, brings them into my bed when Jimmy’s away for girls’ night sleepovers and sets up dance parties in the kitchen.

I am also not too proud to admit that I fuck up on a phenomenal scale as a parent. I can lose my shit - not in a ‘controlled-I’m-raising-my-voice-to-make-a-point’ kind of way but in a ‘I’m-seeing-red-and-I’ve-lost-all-sense-of-reason’. I’ve also worked hard on figuring out why I go to that place sometimes and how to reduce it happening significantly, something I’ve been successful at doing. I’ve forgotten to be the tooth fairy, I’ve forgotten to purchase things they need or want that I’ve promised them, I’ve messed up dates and appointments and double booked all sorts of things. I’ve been absent because I’ve chosen to take on too much work at times but for all these things: I’ve owned it and apologised to them.

So, if you feel like people judge you for the way you parent, please don’t let that undermine your confidence in your choices. Don’t change the way you parent because someone else has projected their definition of parenting on you. You know what works for you and your kids and I truly believe your overall aim should be to do whatever makes your kids and you happy, functioning, joyful, free beings.

The end.